


In The Air Tonight

by MorganaNK



Category: Ashes to Ashes
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 06:39:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7349947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was inspired by "Living Without Gene" which was written by Jazzola, and who very kindly gave me permission to run with her idea and write this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In The Air Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Characters are the property of Matthew Graham, Ashley Pharoah, the BBC and all other interested parties.  
> Poem written by Mary Fry  
> No copyright infringement intended

The night wind coming off the river was bitter and cruel, the kind that found its way through any gap in your clothing and then chilled you to the bone. I pulled up the collar of my coat and stuffed my hands deep into the pockets as I walked along the riverbank, deep in thought.

There weren’t many other people around, not surprising when the weather was as inclement as it was, and that suited me fine. The mood I was in did not bode well for anyone who might decide to stop and try to speak to me; although my body language should have been a clear enough signal to leave me the hell alone. God help anyone who was stupid enough to ask me for directions or something equally mundane, they’d be lucky if they escaped with their heads still on their shoulders.

I had not expected to find myself here; in fact my morning had begun on a far more positive note. Funny how things could change so much in less than twenty-four hours. In the blink of an eye your world can implode and leave you with nothing but grief and devastation. 

Mine wasn’t an easy life, and a lot of what made it not easy I had no control over. When you got shot in the head in 2008; came to lying on the floor dressed as a prostitute and somehow in the 1980s, and then had to work as a Detective Inspector, well life was never going to be exactly mundane and ordinary. Every day was a challenge. You never knew what you were going to have to face. Would you be sitting in the Quattro in some dark alley next to some stinking rubbish bins waiting for the latest bad guy to make his move, or would you buried up to your neck in paperwork and bureaucratic red tape?

One thing you could say, life as a Detective Inspector with Fenchurch East CID certainly wasn’t boring.

I moved ever onwards, oblivious to all my surroundings except for the persistently chilling wind. Even that shouldn’t have bothered me, I was pretty much dead inside anyway, an icy glacier was slowly forming where my warm and beating heart used to be.

It was while working in CID that I had met Gene. When I had first been “transferred” to Fenchurch East, as I kept being told that I had been, I was horrified. I remembered everything that Sam Tyler had said about him in his tapes, and to find myself in 1981, with this imaginary bullish and misogynistic bastard construct well, let’s just say I would never forget the first time I met Detective Chief Inspector Gene Hunt.

I can’t really pinpoint when things changed for me; when I realised that underneath the brash exterior beat a heart of solid gold. For all his bullshit and bluster, Gene was also a gentle soul, a man who fought for the underdog, who hated injustice and would do anything to right a wrong, even if it meant him sometimes going a little too far. All I know is that he started to show me the “real Gene”, and the more I got to see of him and know of him the more I realised that I was in love with him; and I was convinced that the feeling was mutual, although neither of us ever vocalised it.

It’s too late for that now.

I swiped savagely at a tear that was beginning to trace a path to freedom down my cheek. I wouldn’t cry, I couldn’t. If I started I wasn’t sure that I’d be able to stop, and I didn’t have time to waste on that. I had things to think about, decisions to make. However my memories had other ideas.

Time. The concept of time was alien to me now. I had no idea what time it was; of how many minutes and seconds had passed since my world had disintegrated into so many tiny fragments that I wasn’t sure I would ever find them all again, and if I did, whether they could be put back together.

Tiredly, I ran my fingers through my now wind tangled hair. How far had I walked from the Quattro? Should I keep going? Maybe if I walked far enough then I could… No, I knew that was foolish. It didn’t matter how far I walked, however much distance I put between myself and what had happened, it would never be enough.

The onslaught of memories continued; a cruel and bitter, but also exquisitely beautiful torture. 

Gene; the Guv. He could drive me to distraction, make me want to wring his neck, and yet feel incredibly safe all in a heartbeat. Our banter, his nicknames for me, the nights we spent in Luigi’s huddled over numerous bottles of house rubbish. Those moments meant the world to me. And I never told him.

Somewhere in the distance a horn sounded. Voices carried across the water from a pleasure boat where a party appeared to be happening. None of these things registered to me, I was locked in my own world, with Gene.

We could argue, God we could argue; and yet there was something so erotic about it. His silver/blue eyes blazing fire that I knew also burned in my hazel ones, standing almost nose to nose, our jaws twitching with unrestrained fury as we spat angry words at each other, our chests heaving, our fists clenched by our sides. I always wondered if we would either give in to the sexual tension that was there, simmering beneath the surface, or if he would finally snap and give me a slap. It’s not as if I didn’t deserve it, and it wasn’t like I hadn’t hit him on more than one occasion. He didn’t though, and I knew that he would never raise a hand to me, or to any other woman, it just wasn’t in him. Instead he would either order me out of his office, or I would leave of my own accord. Both exits would end the same way, with me slamming his office door shut so hard that it shook the whole room. I often wondered how the glass didn’t break.

Now came the memories I didn’t want, the memories of when my whole world was destroyed, the memories of today…

_It was an armed robbery, something that we must have been to almost a hundred times before. We piled into the Quattro and, as usual, Gene drove as if he were trying to break the land speed record. We screeched to a halt just as the scum, as Gene so delightfully called them, were leaving the scene of the crime._

_Gene dived out of the car, gun in hand, almost leaving Ray, Chris and I trailing in his wake._

_“Drop your weapons; you’re surrounded by armed bastards!”_

_Even with all this going on, the splendor of him still took my breath away. The fearless way he dived into the situation, gun drawn, all blond hair, black coat and vengeance was truly magnificent, it was as if he an avenging angel._

_Sometimes, even avenging angels fall._

_It was as if the world was suddenly in slow motion. I saw the leader of the gang fire at Gene and, even as I screamed at him I knew that it was too late. A large scarlet patch began to spread across the front of his green shirt as he fell backwards onto the dirty tarmac._

_As I watched him fall everything else ceased to matter. The gang leader got into the getaway car with his accomplices and gunned off down the street, but I didn’t care. All I could focus on was the Guv, my wounded Manc Lion. I had to get to him, nothing else mattered. I ran to where he lay and fell to my knees beside him, my hand going to his head, stroking his dirty blond mane off his forehead._

_“Gene!”_

_My cry was anguished, and it seemed to spur Chris and Ray into action. They hurried over to where we were, Ray already radioing for an ambulance._

_“Guv?”_

_I realised that Chris was knelt on the other side of me, but I didn’t have time to worry about him now; Gene was my one and only concern._

_“Guv, its ok, an ambulance is coming, just hang on in there.”_

_I lifted Gene’s head and cradled it in my lap, wishing that somehow I could rewind time and prevent him from getting out of the Quattro._

_“Don’t you dare stop fighting Guv; the ambulance will be here shortly. Be your usual stubborn self and hang on, don’t let this beat you.”_

_Chris reached out and felt for a pulse._

_“He’s gone Ma’am.”_

_I shook my head, refusing to listen to him, refusing to believe that my constant, the man that I loved and yet had never told, was dead._

_“You silly stubborn man, look what happens when you don’t wait for backup. I think it’s going to take more than a little soap and water to get this stain out, and you needn’t think that I am going to offer to do your laundry.”_

_Chris cast a worried glance at Ray, who shook his head almost unnoticeably._

_I carried on stroking Gene’s hair as I spoke to him._

_“I suppose you’re going to ignore all medical advice and discharge yourself from the hospital as soon as possible. What if I asked you to stay there and do as the doctor says; would you do it for me or would that make you even more bloody minded than you usually are? You’ve saved me Guv, how about this time you let me save you?”_

_I could hear sirens in the distance but they barely registered, all that mattered to me was Gene…_

_…As they loaded Gene into the ambulance I had declined to go with him, saying that I would follow in the Quattro, and I had fully intended to do just that. But, as I got behind the wheel and turned the key in the ignition it hit me, Gene was dead, because if he wasn’t there was no way that I would be driving his bloody car. I bit down hard on my bottom lip, drawing blood, as I drove away, desperately fighting the tears that were trying to break free…_

I stumbled and then fell to my knees, my tears flowing freely now as the reality that I would never again hear his voice slowly sank in. The memories had exhausted me, but they had also done something far more worthwhile. They had reminded me how much I loved Gene, how much I believed that he loved me, and how much we both needed each other, although we had never admitted it out loud. And with that reminder had come a decision, although one that I had pretty much made before I had even left the scene. I couldn’t carry on without him. I didn’t want to even try to. Maybe I was selfish, but if that was the case then so be it. Wherever Gene was is where I wanted to be, it was where I belonged. And it was where I was going to be again. Even his death wasn’t going to keep me from him.

Reaching into my jacket pocket I pulled out my notebook and began to write. I didn’t know how much time I had before Ray, Chris and Shaz realised that I wasn’t going to turn up at the hospital and started looking for me. Let them look.

I tore the page I had been writing on out of my notebook and walked towards the edge of the riverbank. I shrugged off my jacket and then folded it, placing it on the ground beside me. On top of my jacket I placed my warrant card, the keys to the Quattro and the note that I had just written. Taking one final look around me, I jumped into the water and let it consume me.

... “…I can’t believe they’re both gone. Two days ago they were screaming at each other in his office.”

Chris smiled at the memory. “They always fought about something, the Guv and Ma’am.”

Ray laughed, “It was more of a surprise if they weren’t bloody arguing.”

“They were good for each other.” Shaz mused. “Anyone could see how much they loved each other, even if they didn’t know it themselves.”

Ray went to object but Shaz shot him down with a look.

“They loved each other so much that at times they weren’t rational. Each took risks to protect the other. I sometimes wondered if upstairs would end up transferring Ma’am because of it.”

“Do you think that, with time, she would have been able to carry on without him?” Chris enquired.

Surprising everyone, it was Ray that answered.

“Truthfully? I think she would have followed him sooner or later. If she hadn’t managed to give us the slip then she may well have carried on for a few weeks, maybe even a couple of months, but I think she would have started to live her life as if it were a suicide mission.”

Shaz took one last look over her shoulder at the grave as the group walked back to their cars. “I hope they found each other, that they’re together, and that they’re finally at peace.”

Chris slipped his arm around her shoulder. “Do you seriously think that there’s anything in either heaven or hell that could keep those two apart? They’re together Shaz; never doubt that for a second. They’re together now, and there’s nothing and nobody who will ever be able to tear them apart again.”

_…“Do not stand at my grave and weep,  
I am not there, I do not sleep._

_I am a thousand winds that blow._  
I am the diamond glint on snow.  
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.  
I am the gentle autumn rain.  
When you wake in the morning hush,  
I am the swift, uplifting rush  
Of quiet birds in circling flight.  
I am the soft starlight at night. 

_Do not stand at my grave and weep._  
I am not there, I do not sleep.  
Do not stand at my grave and cry.  
I am not there, I did not die!” 


End file.
